There is a song that I learned growing up (and heard hundreds of times on my children’s “Wee Sing” videos) that went like this. “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.” Truth right there friend! Friends are a gift, straight from God. After Adam had named all the livestock, birds and wild animals (Gen. 2:18-20) God declared that Adam needed a helper, a companion…a friend! Specifically, a “girl” friend! Smile.
My family moved a lot while I was growing up. I went to 8 different schools in 12 years. When I think of each place we lived, my mind immediately goes to the friends that I made there. Paul and I have lived in 8 different homes in 34 years of marriage. Again, opportunities for making new friends! I literally have precious friends all over the country and in other parts of the world. The hardest part always…is moving away from those special friends.
Friends are awesome and critical to life on this planet…but they can also be hard to find, mean, disappointing and they can cut you deep. I wish it weren’t so. Oh, how I wish it were. not. so.
I am one of those gals who wants to be everyone’s friend, everyone to be my friend, everyone be each others friend and let’s all just get along! That is exhausting to type, much less live out! I STILL remember the day in 8th grade when my best friend (since 4th grade) told me that I was no longer going to be her best friend. She was choosing another girl to be her bff because said girl was in the “popular group” (and clearly I was not). Boom! Friendship over.
Let’s stop right here and declare TRUTH: “I wish I could go back and relive my Middle School/Junior High years all over again…SAID NO ONE EVER!!”
Unfortunately, that was not the last time I was to be hurt by someone I thought was my friend. It makes it hard to put your heart out there again when someone has stomped on it. Friends make special occasions even more special, but then sometimes they do not even remember your birthday. You can be the friend that shows up for EVERY important occasion in your friend’s life (weddings, funerals, retirement, birthdays, etc.) only to have them go absent when you wanted them near.
God has been teaching me a lot about friendship over the past few years. There are several entries on the “yellow note pad” (see home page story) about friendship and being a good friend.
THIS I KNOW…
1. JESUS SET THE EXAMPLE. Love God. Love Others.
“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.” Philippians 2:1-7 NLT
Regardless of what happens within the context of our friendships, we (meaning me) must have the attitude of Christ. It is SO not about me! It is about loving others tenderly, compassionately, unselfishly, and with humility…even (or most especially) when they do not love you back.
“We know what real love is because Jesus gave up His life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” I John 3:16 & 18 NLT
“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 NLT
2. DO NOT PUT YOUR FRIENDS ON A PEDESTAL. They will fall off.
No matter how hard I work at being a good friend, I know I have failed and will continue to fail to do “friendship” perfectly in the future. Jesus did it perfectly, we will not! Job’s friends got it right, at least at first. When they heard of the tragedy Job had suffered, they sat in grief with him for seven days and seven nights…never saying a WORD! (Job 2:11-13) If ONLY they had stopped there, but then they began to speak and knew not of what they spoke! (Job 42:7-8) We have all been there.
So sometimes you do the “friend thing” right and sometimes you get it completely wrong! Many times, I have asked forgiveness for pain I have caused, and learned to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt me. God’s sweet GRACE is the only reason we can move forward from relationships that were hurtful in the least and toxic in the worst.
3. FRIENDSHIP IS WORTH THE HARD STUFF. Give grace. Receive grace.
I believe the Enemy of our soul would have us focus on the ways we have been disappointed or hurt by friends in the past. Yes, loving others means putting your heart right out there. But I surmise that it is worth the pain and hard stuff.**
I am not sure where I would be today had God not sent Himself, with flesh on, in the form of friends. Faithful friends have prayed for me and with me. Tears have been shed and meals have been shared. Sometimes, they have sat with me in my grief and pain…not saying a word. Words of encouragement and wisdom have come at just the right moment. True friends have spoken truth into my life when I needed it most…even when it hurt.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17 NLT
“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is a sweet as perfume and incense.” Proverbs 27:9 NLT
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT
Make new friends…and strive to keep the old ones too. They truly are more precious than silver and gold.
(**Disclaimer: Please know that certain relationships are NOT worth the pain. So called “friends” who are abusive in any way require strict boundaries and sometimes a termination of the relationship. If someone is verbally, emotionally, spiritually or physically abusive to you, then that relationship is NOT what I am talking about in this blog. Please put distance between you and this person and seek help. I also recommend the book referenced on my “Books I Recommend” page, “The Seven Deadly Friendships” by Mary DeMuth)
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