I experienced postpartum depression after the births of my two sons. It was quite understandable with Stephen. We were moving to San Antonio (from Little Rock, Arkansas) a week after his birth and the only folks I knew in Texas were my husband and two sons!
After Sara’s birth, the depression was much worse, but I chalked it up to a difficult pregnancy (understatement) and an unexpected C-section. Turns out hormone replacement was the answer once I was properly diagnosed.
Only months later, I began a slide down into a deep, clinical depression that I could not attribute to pregnancy or anything else…at least not in my mind. I had a wonderful husband, 3 beautiful children, family and friends who loved me and all were gifts from Jesus whom I had loved and trusted with my life since as far back as I could remember.
I mentally beat myself up for many months.
I convinced myself that if I was really a good Christian that I would NOT be experiencing such great sadness and incredible anger. Pray more Cheryl (although it literally felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling and bouncing right back), read God’s word more Cheryl, count your blessings Cheryl!
I could get really graphic here and describe the days when I would lock myself in my room with my baby daughter and call my husband screaming. Or when I would pray that I would fall asleep and wake up with Jesus. Anger spewed out of me over the tiniest things, over almost anything! I kept a pretty good face on for most folks, but that became harder and harder to fake.
In another blog I will share more of my road to getting help and getting healthy. Healing is possible and there is help for those who suffer like I did and sometimes still do.
I do not fully understand the whys of mental illness, although over the past two years I have learned (and continue to learn) more than I ever wanted to know. The entire family suffers when a loved one is ill. It can strengthen your faith and your family or it can devastate or destroy both.
But This I Know…
God Sees Us.
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: You are the God who sees me…” Genesis 16:13
Hagar (Sarah’s maid) cries out in joy because God has sent the message to her that He sees her, knows her pain and that He will always care for her. God sees and cares about everything that happens to us.
Job 31:4 says, “Does He not see my ways and count my every step?”
Proverbs 2:8 says, “…He guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones.” Nothing gets by our Father. He sees the beginning and the end. He sees with His eternal perspective!
I will close for now with this passage from Psalms 71 and highly recommend Psalm 69 for those of you who are struggling right now. We were never promised a life with no troubles…but God sees us, He knows our pain and will bring the healing we need.
“Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, You who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth You will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.” Psalm 71:19-21
*all passages are from the New International Version
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